


no more monsters i can breathe again

by aquestlikethat



Series: Alex Manes Week 2020 [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes Week 2020, Gen, Ghosts, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jesse Manes is a War Crime, M/M, Magical Realism, Mentions of past child abuse, Minor Character Death, Parent Death, even when hes dead, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:08:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24891343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquestlikethat/pseuds/aquestlikethat
Summary: Alex pushed himself forward, opened the doors, walked into the bunker. And froze. His father was sitting at the long table, staring at him as if he’d been waiting for him.“You’re dead.”“Hmm. So I’ve heard.” His father sighed, shifting in his chair.Alex wondered if the man would ever truly feel gone.ORAlex deals with his complicated emotions after the death of his father. Written for day 3 of Alex Week: prompt 'this time, i’m in charge' (aka legacy)
Relationships: Alex Manes & Tripp Manes
Series: Alex Manes Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1801147
Comments: 7
Kudos: 38





	no more monsters i can breathe again

**Author's Note:**

> legacy (noun)  
> something inherited from a predecessor; a heritage

They hadn’t really been using the Project Shepherd bunker. The school was a much more secure location, and it had more room to set up a lab with all the equipment they could possibly need to solve any alien mysteries that fell into their laps. Not to mention that, with his father back in the picture, the bunker had been compromised. Alex had moved any files worth saving to the Valenti cabin and transferred the data on the computers to his personal drives to continue searching through. 

But things had changed. Liz was gone, again, leaving Roswell and its aliens firmly in her rear view mirror, at least for now. The lab at the school had been destroyed along with most of their equipment and files. His father-

Jesse Manes was dead. 

The words still didn’t feel quite real to Alex, no matter how many times he repeated them in his head, out loud. The shadow of his father’s hatred had hung over him for so long that now - standing in the full force of the light it had been blocking out - Alex didn’t feel free, he felt blind. There was a completely different way of seeing the world that he had to learn and he didn’t even know where to begin because he couldn’t see at all anymore. 

Alex pushed himself forward, opened the doors, walked into the bunker. And froze. His father was sitting at the long table, staring at him as if he’d been waiting for him.

“You’re dead.”

“Hmm. So I’ve heard.” His father sighed, shifting in his chair.

Alex wondered if the man would ever truly feel gone.

“I saw you die, this is just some fucked up trauma response and I’m going to ignore you.” Alex unfroze his feet from the floor, walking a little shakily down the steps to the computers at the far wall, deliberately keeping his back to the apparition that most definitely was not his father, even though doing so sent threads of ice down his spine. 

“That’s going to make for an awkward evening.” His father sighed, but made no move to follow Alex across the room.

He isn’t real. Alex told himself, settling in the chair and bringing the computers to life. He had work to do. 

“I thought you’d be happy to see your dear pops, back from the dead. Here to impart his legacy to his only worthy son.”

Alex shook his head, closing his eyes as the system booted up. He didn’t say anything.

“You know, all your brothers have accepted that I’m gone. Dead. They took in the new information and adjusted their battle plans, like that.” He heard the sound of fingers snapping coming from his father’s position across the room. “You’re the only one who has kept me alive, Alex. You’re the only one who won’t let me go.”

Alex gritted his teeth and turned angrily in his chair.

“I let you go a long time ago, dad. When you started trying to beat me into being straight. When you made my brothers watch you kick my ass and made them too scared to be anything other than your vision of the perfect Manes man. When you targeted the man I fell in love with because of your bigoted homophobic hatred. I am the last person who would hold onto your memory, and the only thing I want to do with your legacy is dismantle it.”

“Hm.” Jesse nodded from his place in the chair, not bothering to get up. He looked around, pretending to only now be taking in his surroundings. Finally, he lifted his hands from where they had rested in his lap to spread his arms, palms up, and looked directly at Alex. “Then, … why am I here? Why are you seeing the ghost of your dear dead dad while your brothers move on with their lives?” He asked, and Alex didn’t have an answer. He just stared at the man who was supposed to be his father but had turned into his worst nightmare. 

“You didn’t die, for me.” Alex finally blurts. “Not just now, anyway. You’ve been dead for … almost my entire life, and I’m only just now realizing it. I didn’t know it until Greg shot you. But now- now I know that you were long gone before then. To me at least. I’ve just been…” he trailed off. “I’ve been talking to your ghost all this time.” He gestured at the form of his father, still sitting at the table.

Alex reached under his shirt to pull out Tripp’s dog tags, “I felt more when I finally heard all of Tripp's story, a man I never met, than I did when I watched you bleed out in front of me.” He squeezed the worn metal in his hand until the edge pressed a line into his palm, his ancestor's name branded into his skin. “So you can take your legacy and shove it, I’m not your son. And you’re not my father. You’re not even here. You’re just a dusty old ghost of a monster who died a long time ago and I’m not going to let you ruin my life anymore.”

He turned back to the computer, taking a breath before navigating through his firewalls to the files still saved in this system. It was silent in the bunker except for the clicking of his fingers against the keyboard, and Alex settled into the work.

A warm hand landed on his shoulder. Alex turned - surprised someone had managed to sneak up on him - and there, standing just behind his chair, was a man he had only seen in pictures. Eugene Manes III, Tripp. The man nodded at him, giving his shoulder a soft squeeze. Alex turned back to the screen, took a breath, and entered the order to delete all of the files from the system. A small smile lit up Tripp's face and he turned to walk back to the entrance of the bunker. Alex watched him go, noting the empty chair where his father had sat. Then he turned back to the computer screen, shut down the system, and made his own way to the exit. Alex didn't look back as he turned off the lights and sealed the door. 

He was done with this hole in the ground, he was done with his father. His eyes would adjust to the new light on the surface, in time. Alex promised to give himself that time. He knew enough about astronomy from stargazing with Michael to understand that when a star died, its light still moved through space to shine in full view of faraway planets, long after its death. He wouldn’t try to fool himself into thinking moving past the harm Jesse had done to him would be easy, but knowing that it was over was a start. He could leave the ghosts behind. He could start over, remake the Manes legacy. His legacy.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, come find me on tumblr @manesframe


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